sweet serendipity

twiabpaianlatfwnogf:

*driving in my smart car* Google glass, show me the nearest e-cig shop! *beeping sound* ugh no! Only show ones that accept Bitcoin!

evaded:

If you wanna be my lover, please do not get with my friends.

  • *Points to person*: Fuck you
  • *Points to person*: Fuck you
  • *Points to person*: Fuck you
  • *Points to person*: Fuck you
  • *Points to crush*: Fuck me
  • *Points to person*: Fuck you
  • *Points to person*: Fuck you
  • kid: dad whats a 69
  • dad: well son, a 69 is when two people who love each other very much get together with a 6 and a 9 and a 5 6 7 8 [spotlight turns on] [dad breaks into jazz number]

fluxandpause:

Pros of being gay: both you and your wife would get into the lifeboats on the titanic.

clinttbarton:

i don’t want to live in a world where i’m not allowed to enjoy both Shakespeare and Ke$ha.

maddisnow:

*hears first notes to Sugar We’re Going Down*
*punches out of casket*
am i morE THAN YOU BARGAINED FOR YET

  • Girl: come over
  • Me: I don't have a gif detailing my current situation
  • Girl: my parents aren't home
  • Me:
Following that new trend

justamerplwithabox:

Type the following words into your tags box, then post the first automatic tag that comes up.

  • really 
  • here
  • actually
  • always
  • damn 
  • Jesus
  • oh
  • so
  • this
  • haha
  • am
  • come

h0ckeymom:

i secretly like getting assigned seats in school because it takes away that awkward “i have no friends in this class where the fuck am i gonna sit” factor

mttyshealy:

LETS PLAY THE “TYPE THESE WORDS IN YOU R TAG BOX AND POST THE FIRST AUTOMATIC TAG THAT COMES UP” GAME: DIRTY WORD ADDITION OK

  • fuck
  • shit
  • dick
  • no
  • hell
  • sex
  • damn
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